Fighting for Your Marriage: Essential Truths Every Couple Needs to Hear

Marriage is one of life's greatest adventures—and greatest challenges. It's a journey that requires intentionality, sacrifice, and an unwavering commitment to choosing love even when it's difficult. If you're married, engaged, or recovering from a past relationship, there are timeless truths that can transform how you approach this sacred covenant.

Good Marriages Don't Just Happen—You Make Them Happen

Here's a truth that might sting a little: no one can tell you how hard to fight for your marriage except the Holy Spirit. Not social media. Not well-meaning friends. Not even family members who think they know what's best for you.

The Holy Spirit is your counselor, and He alone knows the depth of your commitment and the path forward for your relationship. When everyone else is telling you to walk away, He might be whispering, "Stay and fight." When you're tempted to coast, He might be calling you to press in harder.

Fighting for your marriage means it doesn't take a backseat to anyone or anything—not your kids, not your career, not sports, and not your packed schedule. In fact, the greatest gift you can give your children is a healthy marriage.They're watching, learning, and forming their understanding of love based on what they see in your relationship.

The Marriage Mirror: Becoming What You Behold

There's a fascinating concept called the "marriage mirror." The principle is simple but profound: the better he treats her, the more beautiful she becomes. And this works both ways.

When you put on what Scripture calls "rose-colored glasses"—or what might better be called "covenant vision"—you begin to see your spouse not through the lens of their faults, but through their potential. You're not picking them apart; you're looking for ways to build them up.

Colossians 3 instructs us to "clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, and to put on love." Notice the active language here. You don't walk into your closet and have clothes magically fall on you. You choose what to wear.

The same is true in marriage. Today, you choose love. Today, you choose to walk in humility. Today, you choose gentleness and kindness. It's an active, intentional decision you make every single day.

This is what covenant love looks like—choosing to believe the best even when you feel the worst. It's grace-colored glasses that allow you to bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things, because love never fails (1 Corinthians 13:7-8).

The Secret to a Great Marriage: Becoming a Great Servant

Want to know one of the most transformative truths about marriage? If you want a great marriage, you have to become a great servant.

Marriage is God's incredible tool to teach you how to put someone else ahead of yourself and abandon selfishness. It's a daily practice of saying, "I am second." In your walk with Christ, you pray, "Not my will, but Your will." In your marriage, you pray, "God, use me to help make my spouse into a better person. Use me to elevate them."

This servant-hearted approach changes everything. Instead of keeping score of who's doing more, you're looking for opportunities to serve. Instead of focusing on your good points and their bad points, you're extending the same grace to them that Christ extends to you.

Marriage Killers to Avoid

While there are many things that strengthen a marriage, there are also pitfalls that can slowly erode even the strongest relationship:

Becoming boring. Don't let the excitement fade. Stay curious about your spouse. Keep dating. Keep pursuing. What it took to get your spouse is what it takes to keep your spouse.

Having an affair with your iPhone. When your spouse speaks, put down the phone. They are more important than Facebook, Instagram, or endless scrolling. Give them your full attention.

Assuming the worst. Train your mind to go to the positive place first, not the negative. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt.

Refusing to apologize. "My bad" doesn't cut it. Use your words. Own your mistakes. Genuine apologies build bridges.

Living off leftovers. Don't give your family whatever energy is left after you've given your best to work, hobbies, or friends. Save your best for home. Sometimes you need to recalibrate on the drive home and remind yourself that the people waiting for you deserve your full presence.

Wisdom Preserves Your Marriage

Proverbs 4 offers beautiful wisdom about, well, wisdom: "Forsake her not and she shall preserve thee: love her, and she shall keep thee. Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding. Exalt her, and she shall promote thee: she shall bring thee to honour, when thou dost embrace her."

Wise couples think about ways to protect their marriages. They put guardrails around their relationship—not to restrict freedom, but to preserve what's precious. Those boundaries aren't there to frustrate you; they're there to protect you from what could wreck your life.

The Supernatural Reality of Marriage

There's a spiritual dimension to marriage that many people overlook. The moment you enter into a marriage covenant, God gets supernaturally involved in that relationship. But there's also a supernatural attack against your marriage.

The enemy wants to steal, kill, and destroy. You can never afford to let down your guard. Stay vigilant. Stay prayerful. Stay connected to the Source of all love.

Moving Forward

Perhaps you're reading this and your marriage is wounded. Maybe you're carrying hurt from a divorce. Here's the good news: we serve a God who restores. We serve a God with resurrection power. We serve a God who forgives and enables you to forgive and move forward.

God's word for almost every situation is this: go forward. Don't stay camped out in the pain. Don't keep walking around the same mountain. Find a way forward. Find a way to move into the future.

Life can be good again. You can move past the hurts, past the unforgiveness, and begin to walk in the things God has planned for you and your relationship.

Marriage is worth fighting for. It's worth the daily choice to serve, to love, to extend grace. It's worth putting down your phone, putting on compassion, and putting your spouse first.

Your marriage can be a testimony of God's faithfulness, a picture of covenant love, and a source of joy that overflows into every area of your life. Choose today to fight for it, protect it, and watch it flourish.